I learnt the importance of decentering your career very early on in life. Or atleast I should have.
Back in 2019, the company my dad worked at liquidated, and we were all shocked. Never in my wildest dreams would I have expected that to happen. But that was the first taste of me learning one of the reasons decentering your career is important. In cases like this, you have to deal both with the financial and emotional fallout. Unfortunately, while I learnt the lesson in theory, the practical application took a bit longer.
When I started my first “big girl job” as I liked to call it, I was only a few months in when I discovered that a colleague, Mary had been forced to leave. Details weren’t clear. I just know that she was upset and people were whispering that she was forced out because of her age.
I cried. Mary had been there on my first day and she explained the system to me (I had no clue what she did at the time but she was an absolute angel). On her last day, she wished everyone well and said she would go spend her time drinking iced tea in her garden.
I felt like I was more worried than Mary was. But a few months ago, I tracked her down and it turned out that Mary is running her own company.
Mary’s story further cemented my belief that you should look out for you because you don’t know when things at a company may change and not be in your favour.
A few years later, I met Peter. Peter was a brilliant data analyst who worked part-time. He was quiet but when he did speak up, he always had something insightful to say. I had no clue how introvert me was so obsessed with Peter but she was. Despite his talent, Peter refused to work -time, prefering the convenience of being around for his family over a career. As a twenty-something it was the first time I had even heard of anything like this and I was fascinated.
Eventually a newspaper article came out that spoke about a toxic workplace- Peter’s former workplace.
All of a sudden it made sense as to why Peter was felt so strongly about his boundaries.
I would later go on to work for a toxic company and realise Peter had it right.
John was someone who worked in my toxic company. Unfortunately he and I had never met. But there I was at a company event when one of the managers asked about him- I don’t even remember his name but I remember the conversation. The one manager said to the other that John was “doing his own thing”. They both shared how difficult it was for them when they were starting out and then the conversation moved on.
I was intrigued, especially since we’d been talking with the recruiter who helped place us just a day earlier. As the conversation turned to former employees, I couldn’t help but notice the subtle smirks and exchanged glances. It became clear that whenever someone left, it wasn’t business as usual – there was always an undertone, almost as if their departure was a failure. The whole vibe was strange and unsettling.
I remember hearing about John and thinking that there was a pretty good chance that I would go the same way- forced to start my “own thing” as a result of choosing to work in this workplace. A couple months later, I watched as my colleague, Kim resigned because “it was time.” I was thrilled for her because Kim was brilliant and I felt like they were wasting her talent. But a few more months later, I discovered Kim had started her own business as while. At the time, I was freelancing so it was like I had started my own business as well.
Their journeys reminded me of the importance of looking out for yourself and that sometimes, the most fulfilling path doesn’t involve a 9-5. Each of them chose a path that honoured their values, even when it meant stepping away from traditional work environments. Whether within a company or on your own, there’s always a way to create a life that feels truly yours
