So in South Africa, we have been in Lockdown for about 4 months. While most of the city and businesses have opened, we are still technically not allowed to visit or spend time with family members.
Now I don’t know you or what your own rules are regarding the pandemic but here in South Africa, most people are breaking the rules.
If you are one of them or even if you aren’t, make sure that you are taking the time to keep in contact with your loved ones especially if they live alone.
While we have been assisting with doing shopping for both of my grans, once the spread increased, we stopped all contact so it’s been about a month or two since I’ve seen either of them.
Whether it’s a phone call, video call or a Whatsapp message, make sure you are checking on your family and making sure that they are okay during this trying time.
My alarm goes off at 5:20AM. I ignore it and drift back to a half-asleep state. It doesn’t matter if I’m late. There’s no traffic. My mother wakes me up at 5:30AM and this time I finally get out of bed.
I stumble to the bathroom with my eyes half-closed and pick up my toothbrush. I brush my teeth with one hand and with the other I check the news sites for anything related to Covid-19.
This is an everyday routine. This is our new normal. When we went back to work three weeks ago, I was worried I wouldn’t be able to adjust after more than a month at home but surprisingly it took me a short while to accept our new world.
I leave home at 6:50AM, careful to ensure that I have a freshly washed mask. Our company provided us with three black ones but I have been starting a collection of infinitely more colourful options.
Once I get to work, it’s time for our temperature check. The drive to work is only twenty minutes but I make sure to arrive early just for the temperature check. The lines can get long and I hate waiting even with social distancing.
The lady checked my temperature, has me sign attendance and then sanitizes my hands. I still have to go in the building and press the button for the lift which still creeps me out. The lift reeks of disinfectant but all the same, I am careful not to touch any part of it.
When I get to my desk, it is either already cleaned or in the process of being cleaned. Desks are cleaned daily and the entire office has a night cleaning with extra strong chemicals (allegedly. I’ve obviously never seen these people but I feel pretty good about our cleaning routine).
I sit down at my desk and use the sanitizer given to us by management to clean my hands again after using the lifts. I start up my pc and make small talk with the staff.
We are all spaced apart on the floor and if anyone is approaching you for conversation, masks are required.
There is a limit on the number of staff allowed in areas such as the kitchen and seating areas (the same goes for stores).
Sometimes it’s easy to forget that there’s a pandemic going around. We have adjusted to the rules pretty well.
Life has been going on as normal. Sure you can’t see friends and family nor can you touch them.
But you can go to work, go to the store and almost live your life as normal.
It makes me wonder was I wrong in freaking out when this all started? It has been 3 months since we were first hit with the virus. Our numbers are 20 000+ confirmed cases and 300+ deaths. All things considered it seems like South Africa is handling the virus relatively okay.
I really thought by the time I went back to blogging, Corona would be a thing of the past.
But nope, it’s still alive and thriving. It’s just that in South Africa we are now out of lockdown (or quarantine as some people have been calling it).
The president has given us to go ahead for a gradual return to work in certain sectors but things are going to be tough regardless.
The company that I’m working for will be retrenching staff as well as several other companies.
As someone who has seen the struggle of small business owners and those who make their living from the flea markets, I wonder and pray for these people.
I cannot believe that 2019 is finally ending. For me, personally I feel like this was a hellish year and I CANNOT wait to see it leave.
Here is my year in review of the best and the most brutal moments from 2019:
January– I started the year on a pretty good note by signing up for an online Digital Marketing course that I was convinced was going to change both my life and my career. While I have picked up some great blogging information from the course, I am still sadly in the exact same career field. Oh, well.
February– Had my first ever interview at a magazine which was my dream job. But I blew it which led to this blog post as well as the realization that I place way too much importance on my job.
March– Attended the Ed Sheeran concert and made time for family. Because I was a changed person now…mostly. I also spent R1300 on a discounted Johannesburg bookstore and then put myself on a book ban. It was supposed to last for 3 months but it ended up lasting for most of the year.
April– Watched my father’s company close down. Helped him make arrangements to move out of town for 3 months for a new job with a lesser salary.
May– Watch the company that promised my dad a job, ghost him and then ultimately turn him down. Had a meltdown on the blog about it. Also received a counselling letter at work from the two new managers because I was unable to go to work since we had no water for three days. Was repeatedly victimized by the lower of the two managers because HR decided to speak to her about it. Unfortunately for me she was also my new reporting manager.
June– Got shortlisted for a job that could possibly solve all of our problems. By this time our only source of income was flea markets and it was NOT looking good. Got turned down for the job the Friday before my 24th birthday. Also important to note, said manager made sure to grant me leave for all the days except my birthday. She has a wicked sense of humor that one *rolls eyes*. Gave up shopping
July– Turned 24 while still working at the call center. Cried when my wonderful manager didn’t even let me go home for my half-day for my birthday. Got put on a diet because all I had left going for me was food and now I couldn’t even eat my feelings.
August– Found out father’s heart is worsening. Laughed hysterically coz nothing goes our way.
September- Accepted that life sucks and whatever. Literally nothing worse can happen so things have to get better, right? Discovered the wonder that is Diwali flea markets and night markets. Finally started making some sort of income with the flea markets.
October– Got a warning at work. Got in trouble at work. Repeatedly. Stuck it out coz last October I had an even worse manager and October is our financial year-end. Watched in disbelief as the staff complained about our new reporting manager who was apparently screaming and demeaning ALL the staff (and here I thought I was special). Watched the department head speak to the reporting manager (and then she cried in a corner of the office which unfortunately everyone saw. I felt bad for her. Don’t worry, she’s back to her normal self now). Watched her hire newer managers for our team- one of whom has been applying for the position for over ten years.
November– Inspired by my new manager who was applying to be a manager for over ten years, I applied for writing jobs and finally got one.
December– Used my bonus to buy large amounts of alcohol. Because IT HAS BEEN A YEAR.
How has your year been? Better or worse than mine? I’d love to know below.
There are no words to sufficiently describe my joy at this moment!
I FINALLY have a writing job. It’s unpaid but it’s remote and for a brand I strongly believe in. I have actually been trying to get this job for eight years so I am so excited to finally have the title of writer for this publication.
I don’t want to say any more because I am so scared I’ll jinx it but I just had to share!
After ten years of writing experience, two internships and six years of trying to get a writing job, I am super-thrilled for this next chapter.
If you ever told me I would have to go on a diet for health reasons, I would have accepted it. I knew my eating habits were bad and I would probably have to go on a meal plan at some stage. However I expected that to atleast be in my thirties.
So imagine my shock when my dermatologist suggested that I might be insulin-resistant. And the even bigger shock when I found out that yep, my insulin levels were high and I needed to cut out sugar and carbs.
You know how they say you don’t know how strong you really are? Yeah, well it’s been four weeks exactly and I’ve been doing relatively well. I have been having carbs now and again (maybe once or twice a week) but for the most part, I have been sticking to the meal plan.
I’m pretty excited to actually see some (really small) changes.
I cannot wait to see what the results look like in another 4 weeks.
Excuse me while I hide out in my pillow fort…forever
Last week Saturday, my family and I received news that my dad was turned down for a job.
It was pretty startling since it was made to seem as if the job was 100% certain. The company made travel plans and accommodation arrangements for him. Now they were saying they thought it over and did not actual require a manager.
I dealt with this in a very mature fashion. I went to my bed and stayed there for half an hour.
I felt numb and in shock. Did I read the signs wrong? Why would you talk about travel and accommodation plans if you are NOT hiring? What on Earth had happened?
Finally once I was done moping I decided to reorganise my vanity cupboard and sort out my scarves for winter. I told myself this was fine. Sure, my dad didn’t have a new job but he still had his current job.
I knew the company he worked at was closing but that was in a few months So he just had to look for something within the next two to three months. No biggie.
The Tuesday after this, the company my dad worked at, sent out their official communication that they were closed.
It was like a very cruel prank. This was the one thing I was depending on.
Here’s the thing. I come from a family of three. As in me, my mother and my father.
My mother is medically boarded and I am still in pretty early stages of my career. Basically my father’s the main earner in the house. (Also can I just say how pathetic my story sounds? Boohoo my dad has no job and my mother has Lupus. I could cringe just thinking about it).
If there is one thing my epic magazine failure (yes, going to an interview and deeming the industry as dying is definitely an epic failure in my books) taught me, it is that you should cry. Cry a river if you feel like it would make you feel better. But after that, build a bridge and get over it.
The parents and I sat down. Drew up a budget. Inside, a part of me died. There is one thing we did not address in our family budget. One unspoken but very critical rule.
The shopping would need to stop.
I love shopping. It makes me feel better. I have a stressful job and shopping is my way of fixing it. Could I really give it up? (Spoiler Alert: It is really looking like I can).
So we decided on who would cut out which spending and replace it with paying an account. All was good.
Then my dad’s side job as a driver fell through. At this point I feel like I’m living in my own “A Series of Unfortunate Events”. It is kind of amusing though. Anything that can go wrong is going wrong
So why am I sharing this?
At some point in the distant or not too distant future, I want to look back at this and say “hey remember that time your dad lost his job and you had to change your spending habits? You say you couldn’t but you did!”
Or even “remember that time everything was going wrong and it was so bad it was funny? It will just be nice to look back and say “I made it. Even when I thought I couldn’t.
There has been several times when I was like “nope, I can”t do this. I will not do this” but I got through it fine.
Like my final of year of college when the campus was on fire and I had to skip classes because my Criminology module clashed with English. Then there was that time I was convinced I would never get a job because I was scared to speak on the phone (hello, I now work in a call center).
You never really know what you can and can’t do until you have actually tried to do it.
I found the below in my drafts and thought to share it. The below was a drafted blog post probably sometime in 2019. Why is this relevant? Because I remember t the excitement of getting called back for a Marketing or Editorial role. I also remember the sole-crushing disappointment whenever one of these roles didn’t work out. What I didn’t know at the time of writing was that just a year later, in 2020, I would get my first Marketing role. I would write copy and learn advertising. And eventually, I would go on to get my dream job.
By the time this post goes live I may or may not still be working in the call center (who am I kidding? I’m pretty sure I’ll never leave but anyway).
So it’s been a few months since the horrible dream job rejection. Since then I’ve applied for tons of jobs in my field. I have zero expectations of being hired. However these job applications were not going the way I would have expected.
Some are far more successful than others. Some have resulted in zero feedback. Some have resulted in rejection emails. And some have resulted in pretty positive responses.
Here’s the thing though. I didn’t expect to have any kind of response. I’ve been job hunting this entire year for something in my field and recently for anything with an increased income (unfortunately for my family, the company my dad worked at, has closed). I got zero responses. This last batch that has people responding to me has given me some little bit of hope.
Have you ever felt pain so crippling that it ate at you slowly, piece by piece? Pain that intense can make you crazy. It can make you do things you’d never think of doing before.
I stood on my balcony, looking over at the city of London.
London was beautiful at night and this night was no exception.
I felt a twinge of regret for what I was about to do. I would be spoiling the beauty of London with my act.
But it needed to be done. I could no longer live an existence of pain.
I gripped the railing tightly before climbing over.
I heard a scream from below.
“Somebody is going to jump!”
I was running out of time.
“Mummy’s coming, sweetheart,” I promised my daughter.
And with those words, I pushed myself forward, eager to reunite with my child.
The last thing I felt was the icy air as the ground rose to meet me.
