As I draw closer to 30, I’ve been reflecting on the relationships in my life- the ones that have lasted, the ones that have faded, and the ones that, if I’m being honest, I held onto for far too long. And one thing has become clear: you cannot build healthy friendships with people who refuse to heal.
We all go through difficult seasons. We all have struggles. But there’s a difference between working through them and making them everyone else’s problem. Some people expect friendships to carry them through life without ever showing up for others in return. They crave community but don’t want to be part of one. They want support, but when it’s time to give it, they disappear- or worse, they project their pain onto the very people trying to stand by them.
I’ve seen how exhausting these friendships can be. The constant defensiveness, the inability to take accountability, the emotional weight of managing someone else’s unresolved issues. And the saddest part? Many of these people don’t even realise they’re pushing others away.
True friendship isn’t about perfection-it’s about growth. The best friendships come from people who are self-aware enough to work on themselves, who take responsibility for their actions and who don’t expect others to fix what they refuse to address.
At this stage in life, I want reciprocal, uplifting friendships built on mutual respect. I want people who show up- not just when they need something, but because they value the connection. You can have empathy for unhealed people but you don’t have to let them drain you. Some people need space to heal and sometimes, that means loving them from a distance.
If a friendship is built on imbalance, resentment or constant emotional labor, it’s okay to walk away. Because at the end of the day, the healthiest relationships don’t just take-they give. And those are the ones worth holding onto.