It’s been a while since I blogged and I really debated on how to share this (or even if I should).
Basically instead of content, my time has been consumed with mental health issues, a return to Christianity and then some Bible study.
This blog has been a part of my life for a very long time so it feels necessary to share this here. But I feel like my content is probably going to change in the near future. Or at the very least, include more of the mental health/spiritual health aspect that has come to be a part of my life.
This is just me sharing so that if and when you see new content that seems “strange” to you or not exactly on-brand you’ll understand why.
It feels like everytime I do one of these life updates it’s after I get burned out and then sick. But hi, I’m back (kinda. Still trying to conserve energy but at this stage I’m not sure if it’s me recovering from the flu or an iron issue).
So what have I been up to? Besides getting sick. I WAS trying to get into cozy hobbies (I love them so much) in an attempt to connect with my inner child and keep my stress levels down. Cozy hobbies are big on TikTok and I love that community so much. Cozy hobbies can be stuff like adult colouring books, novels, video games, etc.
If you haven’t tried cozy hobbies, I strongly suggest you do. As an adult, I feel like all we do (okay well in this case, all I do) is work and pay bills. Cozy hobbies are a cute way to return to the joy of childhood. And this time no one can tell you no to your cozy hobby because it’s your money. This may or may not be a bad thing.
I don’t have energy for extended screen time which is why I haven’t really been blogging. Blogging/writing for work is difficult enough without adding this blog to it but I am hoping to get back into the swing of things.
Well that’s my life update. Hopefully I will be back with more blog and bookish content soon.
I was missing the feeling of creating creative copy for a fun internal campaign (remote work does have a downside, who knew?) so I thought “hey, I’ll just create designs of my own”.
Most days I cannot believe my job. I cannot believe I work in Marketing. I cannot believe writing is considered something you can do as a job. I cannot believe that I am listened to because I have a “voice” and “a story to tell”. It amazes me that I work in an environment where some days I am setting up goodie bags for staff and other days I am drinking vodka at a fancy bar. It is just bizarre. It also amazes me that I didn’t have to change myself for my lifestyle. I was just me and I fell into this amazing life. I found this post that I wrote many years ago, complaining about people judging other people’s life decisions.
I haven’t forgot how I had to fight for my job for years. I had to fight to write. It was considered a waste of time. I had to fight with family who thought I was wasting my life by taking a call center job (i.e the first place to hire me) and then staying there for years (something I did because no one else would hire me). I had to fight to study- the Marketing courses I wanted to try out were incredibly expensive but my dad was kind enough to lend me the money. I paid him back as soon as I could.
But even with all out that, I took my oddball ways and made it a part of a career I love. And that is something that I do not take for granted.
Ah yes, rage-applying. I remember it like it was yesterday. It was the year 20xy (I am not specifying the year because I am very public with my life and you can easily investigate where I worked) and I had an absolutely horrible team leader.
She was incompetent. She was rude. She shouted at the staff and made them cry. But the head of the department had chosen her for the role of team leader (despite her lack of experience) and now she was my problem.
My former manager- the team leader’s direct manager- noticed a change in me and asked me about it. I explained to her what was going on. She was sympathetic…to a point. And then she told me that my team leader was my team leader and my options were either to support her or leave.
I was still relatively young in my career so the first thing I did was cry. I couldn’t believe that it was okay that our team leader was an awful human simply because she had the right connections. EVERYONE could see her making the staff cry and no one cared? She wasn’t even good at her job!
But nonetheless, I knew what I had to do. I had to get out. There was clearly no place for me in this department.
Desperate and full of hurt and anger, I started applying to every job that came my way. And that was when my life changed.
I was called for Marketing roles, Copywriter roles, Recruitment roles and even a really memorable Teaching Administrator role (it was clear that the guy had no intention of hiring me but their campus looked amazing). It was a major confidence boost. Although I wasn’t getting the jobs, I loved that so many amazing companies considered me. It was then that I began to think about what I called “My Exit Plan”.
I had always loved the idea of working in Marketing. Marketing was the only subject that made me feel the same way I felt for writing.
So I decided to try a Marketing short course to see if that spark was still there. It was.
And that was how I found my way into Marketing. Kinda. Well it’s a bit more than that but rage-applying was the first step.
So if you feel like you need to rage-apply for all the jobs. Go for it. You never know where you might end up.
Was it only 5 months ago that I did one of these posts and mentioned how burnt out I was? (Yes, yes it was). Well quick recap for the new year.
Eventually I got a new job that was better aligned to my long-term career goals (boy does that sentence sound stuffy. Nothing in my entire life prepared me for having to explain my new role as a content writer. Which is why I still haven’t explained it to many people. I just pretend like nothing has happened. If you know me personally and you’ve read this post, please keep it to yourself).
Anyway, I was two days into my new job when I realized that I might be part of the problem. I had trouble taking breaks and disconnecting from work. I had automatically assumed that with a new job I would have better balance. And I did. I just didn’t know how to handle it. The role was remote so why shouldn’t I be available 24/7?
About two weeks into the new job, I realized I didn’t feel too good. I was still tired all the time, my chest hurt and I had trouble breathing. I passed this off as anxiety. Eventually my dad caught a cold and by then I thought maybe I had covid.
Fast forward to 27th December-aka the public holiday our President so kindly granted us- and I had a weird pins and needle sensation in my feet that wouldn’t go away. I didn’t know how to describe it but I knew it felt wrong. Desperate for help, I begged my parents to take me to the emergency room. I say “begged” because I could tell my mother didn’t think this was a big enough issue (I mean 3 ear infections in one year and I get why she didn’t believe me but it still hurt).
We went to the ER and two hours later I had my answer. I was anemic. I cannot explain to you the level of disappointment I had (and still have) in my body.
It’s been two weeks and I finally feel a little more normal. My GP says my iron levels are not low enough for me to be suffering with light-headedness, fatigue and tingly feet. However today is my first normal day in a long while and I have been consuming tons of iron (far more than I should have).
All this is to say I am not so sure what burnout is anymore. The first time I thought I was burnt out, I had covid. The second time, I’m thinking was the anemia.
How am I actually going to know when burnout really hits?
Show your interest in the role by ensuring you ask atleast two of these questions.
Need more help? Let me know below. I am one of those weird people who absolutely love interview prep (or am I the only person who loves interview prep?)
I haven’t been blogging as regularly as I should. I started a new job and there was a health scare (getting older is not fun. Everything is an issue. I went to the doc for an ear infection and came back with a 24-hour blood pressure machine). I’ve also been feeling a little burned out.
So I did the responsible thing and booked time off work. I go on leave this week Friday and I cannot wait. Of course in typical me fashion I already planned a list of things to do, books to read, shows/movies to watch and I’m really excited to get started.
The idea is basically to immerse myself in all the fictional worlds in an attempt to escape the real world. I’m also hoping once this is done, I’ll have tons of blog content. Wish me luck
In the Summer of 2017 (more specifically, December 2017- a truly magical time in my life), my manager told me about how her manager had spoken to them about how the business set goals for each quarter. Her manager had remarked that it was such a great idea and he thought that the staff should do that too.
I would later go on to practice that method for years, dividing the year into quarters and then setting goals (personal, professional, financial and study goals) throughout the year.
For 2022, I didn’t have any goals. Due to a professional setback, I had decided to step away from my “work, work, work, study, study, study” routine and focus on my health.
Atleast the idea was that for the first quarter, I would focus on my health. But things did not go as expected.
Sure I lost 3KG and the only studying I did was one Hubspot course in Email Marketing. But besides from that my source of stress was still work. Specifically money.
The company that my dad worked at was placed on short-time, my dad was having issues with his heart and I was supposed to still be maintaining a healthy lifestyle because I had graduated from being insulin-resistant to being pre-diabetic (Go me! I guess there was one thing I was excelling at. Food. I was excelling at food). If you’ve been here for a while, you might remember that this is almost exactly like The Horrors of 2019
And then… the department manager told me these very simple words that caused me to melt down. “We’re working on your contract.”
So…some context. In December 2021, the internship contracts were supposed to end but because of some issues the interns were not offered permanent roles. They were given new titles which would be looked at in March. So it should have been an exciting time. How long have I been working and waiting for a role in Marketing? FOREVER! Sure, the manager telling me that it was close to becoming a reality made me slightly ill but that was fine, right? Everyone gets a little nervous.
Except I went home and got violently ill. I threw up everything I ate that day (and was morbidly fascinated by the fact that omg I can projectile vomit wow. Also why didn’t the carrots from my lunch digest completely? Is this why the doctors kept pushing me to eat veggies? Did they come out of me like that always and I just didn’t know? Honestly you would be surprised at the things one thinks of when one is bent over a sink trying to hold oneself upright and not fall face-first into undigested carrots)
I was mildly concerned but was still not going to pursue the issue. Until I realized the next day, I had an abscess the size of a golf ball on my arm. I was horrified. What was going on?
Again, I ignored it. I, champion of the “Listen to Your Body” squad ignored my body. My psoriasis flared up. I started having trouble sleeping. And then the department manager asked me my salary. I gave it to her. But it was then that I knew. I couldn’t do this. My entire body protested at the thought. My stomach gave a lurch that made me wonder if I was going to throw up at work and if so, how would I explain it? No, I’m sorry I just get sick whenever you mention my future job?
Desperate for answers, I went externally. This is a very important life lesson. Have a support system that 1) knows you personally 2) knows you professionally and 3) is calm, rational and non-judging.
I knew that I didn’t want to raise any eyebrows so I sat down with my former manager and explained my issues. She agreed that it might not be a good idea for me to run towards the thing that was making me sick.
I decided to get a second opinion from someone who I didn’t know as well but who seemed level-headed and of sound advice. All this confirmed was what I already knew.
I was devastated and I cried non-stop. I didn’t work for three years to behave like this. What was wrong with me???
But that day, I slept throughout the night without an issue, the abscess had deceased significantly by the next morning and my psoriasis flare-up was paler. I felt lighter and happier. I hated it but I had made the right choice.
At some point I need to figure out what it is I need to do and it terrifies me. I feel like there’s a big gaping hole where my future should be. But I also feel like I need to take the time to heal my mental health. There’s been a lot of things going on behind the scenes that’s been affecting me too so it is important to me that I take the time needed to process.
